


Feeling

by madefrommagic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Humour, Idiots in Love, a touch of angst but not alot, white is bright, yellow is so in love with blue here it kills me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17542175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madefrommagic/pseuds/madefrommagic
Summary: I needed to get this off my chest... Set after Change Your Mind.





	Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> It's White diamonds fault for revealing Yellows crush to the world, (even if the world already knew.)

Yellow Diamond sat in her Throne, alone in the spacious yellow chamber.

The light bounced off of her flawless skin, her armour. It shone like shafts of sunlight in all directions, rebounding from gem-lined walls and lighting her eyes a gleaming gold. One gloved hand cradled her cheek, her elbow rested on the arm of the throne, and with the other she flicked lazily at the screen hovering in front of her, stopping on one colony plan – Earth. She’d seen these plans countless times, stared at the pink diamond shape beside the planet, the diamond she had personally placed there herself when Pinks constant begging had finally worked. Looking at it this time was wildly different. Things seemed so strange now.

A passing gem would never guess at just how strange their Diamond felt. They might find it hard to believe if they were told that Yellow Diamond had cried on her own accord, that the sunlit titan of rage had fallen to her knees in despair, that love had stopped her attack. She still looked untouchable now, in the aftermath, staring at old plans for the sake of it.

But Yellow knew how she felt, and it was somewhat unnerving her.

Everything had changed. Even her screen before her seemed meaningless, a mere object. She couldn’t find her usual air of confident purpose, for her sense of self-assurance was quivering inside her, a flame in the wind. (Yet, she felt so stiff her exterior would barely flinch.)

There was a laugh somewhere in her thoughts – Blue.

Blues laughter had a habit of making her go speechless. It was so beautiful, but up until recently it had been such a distant memory for such a long time. She found it hard to believe it was back. She would find herself looking at her and thinking gleefully: _Blue is laughing_! Then she would look for a tiny pink Diamond to be the cause, and inevitably everything would become bittersweet and stuck in her throat. She was gone (it felt like for a second time.)

Her current state was truly like seeing the world anew. Too many previous truths were now twisted and wrong, cutting at her insides, making her look for Blue too frequently - compared to her previous behaviour. That had been all calculated distance, shy aloofness.

The difference was that now it seemed useless to pretend.

Every single sensation reached into her soul, making her squirm, sometimes even tremble. This was tremdously annoying and as a result, had made her somewhat overwhelmed. She just… looked at Blue. When Blue laughed, when Blue cried, when Yellow felt overwhelmed, when one of her own real tears surfaced.

It was a lot harder to blame her for that when she wasn’t in Yellows immediate presence. The situation usually led to further overwhelm and caused an aching kind of longing to develop. It had been Yellow looking after Blue all this time, it would be her holding blue, her placing the reassuring hand on Blues slouching shoulder whilst she mumbled about Pink and cried.

She would destroy planets for Blue, collect humans for Blue, do anything for Blue. That’s how it was, how it had been. It was her job alone. Blue was hers to look after.

Now, Yellow found that she wanted looking after, that she _needed_ Blue’s near silent presence almost constantly. It was close to painful sitting here alone.

Perhaps Blues existence was what had helped her cope all along.

She was not depressed. No, she simply felt vulnerable, freshly opened, and somewhere deep down… paranoid. Because what if it all goes back to normal and they are crushed by White, forever torn apart? What if she never sees Blue’s smile again? The notion is too devastating.

For so long she had stuffed her emotions down, deeper and deeper every passing moment. There is a colossal glass bottle within herself for them, tightly corked and sound proof, allowing her to be the perfect, sharp edged, Diamond she believed she had to be.

Then Pink… _Steven_ … happened. A crack. A wound had opened inside her and been prodded, and then, it didn’t seem to heal quick enough.

Of course, it wouldn’t have affected her so much if Steven hadn’t caused her to… (She breathes in sharply at the reminder.) To _hurt_ Blue. It was entirely his fault, of course, ( _I would never never never_ ) but Yellow knew she had to… thank him… he _had_ opened her eyes and it _had_ cheered up Blue.

Blue. BlueBlueBlue.

“Oh, this is pathetic!” Yellow erupted, her voice echoing harshly around the room. She felt so dependant, so small and needy. It was driving her insane.

Sharp heels landed thunderously on the floor as the Diamond stood, and she strode from the room, fists balled tightly at her sides. Groups of Gems scurried out of the way of potential death as her foot falls approached them in the halls, whispering about her, and Blue, and White – no doubt. Yellow was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to consider that on top of everything else.

Absorbed by her thoughts, she sharply turned a corner and ended up walking straight into Blue Diamond herself. Silky robes and hair engulfed her immediately.

“Yellow!” Blue exclaimed softly as they collided, her elegant, bare hands landing on Yellow forearms. Her skin was exposed there, and the contact shocked her. Yellow gently held onto Blues elbows for a fraction of a second, wide eyed at the sudden warmth between them and how floral Blue seemed to smell today. Then she leapt back as if she had touched a live wire, and upon realising this - immediately regained her composure, brushing away invisible dust, patting down her hair.

The hallway was deserted. So unfortunately for Yellow, it was quite clear this was only for the benefit of Blue Diamond.

“Blue.” Yellow replied matter-of-factly, tugging her gloves up and not quite meeting the other Diamonds blazing eyes. She cleared her throat, feeling uncommonly nervous.

“I was just- I’m sorry, it’s just I…uh” _Oh stars I was distracted, thinking about you, probably looking for you, and then you appeared right in front of me, like a ghost, and you smell nice, and have we ever been that close before I don’t recall-_

Blue giggled delicately, bringing her finger-tips to rest on her dark lips, ultimately silencing all of Yellows internal chatter.

Yellow simply stared at her, completely enamoured. She was also slightly humiliated, but Blue was most likely to be forgiven almost as soon as she was blamed.

“What is it?” Yellow asked, almost sheepish. She was very aware of the small smile appearing on her own lips, the flutter in her chest, all from looking at Blue… whose own cheeks seemed dusted a shade darker all of a sudden, and whose left hand had moved to rest on her face as if she was trying to hide behind it. She was peering at Yellow. Not looking but _peering._

“You’ve gone all red.” Blue said.

This statement only made her fellow Diamond turn even redder.

“I’ve done no such thing!” Yellow insisted, despite the fact she could now practically feel the heat climbing up her face. She hadn’t been aware her Blue-related overwhelm could become _visible_ – and red of all colours, red against yellow! Was this permanent? Was it always going to happen? Oh stars, had it happened before? The whole thing made her gem thrum with shame and so Yellow turned away, discreetly pressing her hands to her cheeks.

“Oh Yellow,” Blue sighed like a night breeze. “I didn’t mean to upset you...”

Blues sorrowful tone led to a habitual response: Concern, which felt worse when being unable to see her, and so Yellow turned back around with precision, her face softening. She was half expecting to see tears, but Blue was completely tear-free.

A faint sheen of red still stayed across Yellows cheeks, despite her efforts to dispel it. Blue’s drooping lashes did not help matters either. As a result, Yellow hovered between the urge to hide in embarrassment and the urge to be pressed against Blue again, to bask in her closeness. Her hands went to clasp behind her own back as if that may ground her, an anchor to control the wildness of thoughts that should be neat and orderly and focused…

She was focused. Focused on Blue.

“You haven’t upset me.” Yellow said honestly, glad that the tears had not appeared. “I was just not expecting to meet you so abruptly. I’m not sure why that has affected my colour.” She paused. “ _Or yours_.”

At that, Blues plump lips fell open into an O shape. Yellow had thought the sight was incredibly adorable but remained silent on the matter. She simply swallowed and pressed her lips together instead.

“ _Mine?_ ” Blue gasped, her other hand now flying to her cheek, mirroring Yellows earlier reaction.

“I’m sure it’s fine.” Yellow said with an air of forced disinterest. “Things are different now, are they not? Perhaps this is just part of the process. You may recall the same happened to White earlier...”

Yellow was always one to try and rationalise the situation. Especially when she was madly unsure, a soft feeling was ricocheting in her chest, and all she wanted to do was swing Blue around in her arms. Which may be something she had envisioned before... It made her feel happy, to imagine such carefree joy. (God help anyone who knows about that.)

But both Diamonds had trouble with the definition of carefree itself.

Blue simply continued to gawp, and Yellow repressed an idotic grin. Eventually, Blue replied sounding very thoughtful.

“…Yes, you’re probably right there.” She said. Then she caught Yellow entirely off-guard by shooting her a wide, radiant smile.

“How are you so clever Yellow?” Blue cooed.

Yellow stared at her again, not quite knowing what to do with herself. A moment passed where neither said a word, and Blue seemed slightly smug, yet still (as yellow noted) adorably shy.

“I’m… I’m red again, aren’t I?” Yellow suddenly piped up, as quiet as a Pearl and seeming very embarrassed about the fact. This embarrassment was quite similar to irritation. Yellow was naturally steely, so anything Blue did to get her to react like this often made her feel Yellow was the dearest thing in the universe.

She tried to hold it back, but still ended up laughing - the bells-in-the-air, tossing-her-head-back sort of laugh. Yellow did not like being laughed at, but she did like Blues laugh, so this was all incredibly conflicting _and why am I so hot?_

When she had finished laughing like a fairy, Blue stepped toward the beetroot faced Yellow. She stood completely still, adamant in retaining her dignity but practically glowing. Blues advancement only prompted a nervous expression, and Yellow visibly tensed.

“Here…” Blue spoke breathy, suddenly very close again. She appeared just as nervous when she begun to lift her right hand to Yellows face.

“What _are_ you-“ Yellow said, somewhat weak.

Blues hand touched her cheek softly at first, then came to rest entirely, causing her words to die instantly. The sensation of cool skin overwhelmed every point in her body, and Yellow found that all she could physically do was stare into azure irises and their diamond pupil, just like hers, as they widened a little.

“Does that help?” Blue asked in barely a whisper. Always so quiet and soft and _perfect._

Yellow felt her fingers twitch behind her back. “Uh-huh.” Was all she was able to muster. Blue stepped an inch closer, enough for her little body warmth to tantalise Yellow. Interestingly, the hand on her cheek started to warm as Blue stroked.

Yellows fingers relented, unclasping as if each one was simply water draining away. Her now freed hands went to slide themselves onto Blues waist, slowly, to lightly caress her sides without much thought. Somehow she just _knew_ how incredibly right it would feel to put her hands there, so it was clear that was where they belonged. She was confident with this when the action elicited a slight shiver from Blue, and both of their cheeks deepened a shade more.

“Blue…” Yellow found herself saying. It occurred to her that Blue might be the word she thinks the most, and saying it whilst they caressed each other sent something inside her _flaring_. Blue Blue Blue Blue _Blue._

Blues hand became weak, and Yellow, in an effort to conserve the touch, brought her own up to clasp it tightly. The sudden urgency pulled them into each other, chest to chest, sending the blush from cheeks to collarbones and ears. Blues fingers ended up locked between Yellows, and her left arm slid over Yellows shoulder pad, stabilising them as they swayed clumsily.

“This-“ Blue gasped out, and in such a way that Yellow drew her even closer. Blues eyes fluttered shut when their foreheads gently met, but Yellow couldn’t look away, even as her eyelids drooped. She adored the Blue gem far too much. Usually she did it quietly, with sporadic displays of affection, ducking out at the right moments. Being able to hold her like _this_ , to be held in return, it felt like some sort of magical gift. She wasn’t sure how to fully appreciate it…but oh how she wanted to, and madly.

Yellow moved her head to press her lips to Blues jaw, once, twice, causing Blue to gasp in surprise  and let out glorious little whimpers each time. It was a feeling neither had experienced before, and the impact made them both stumble, Blue backwards, Yellow forwards – the latter still relentlessly kissing. 

Two steps and Blues back bumped loudly into an intricately cut Pillar. Yellow pulled her lips away from Blue to glare angrily at it.

It was often the case that Blue made her forget obvious things. Like the fact that Blue, also being a Diamond, was probably harder than the Pillar itself, and that she had once had an entire house, followed by her own ship, dropped on her, and had still managed to survive. They had also both recently burst through a wall.

Nonetheless, nothing was worse than something hurting Blue, no matter the amount of hurt. If the Pillar was sentient (some of them were…) it might have feared Yellows murderous expression.

Whilst Yellow was scrutinising the mute Pillar, Blue was clasping onto her so tightly she nearly dug fingernails into her, the hand over Yellows shoulder having found its way into her short hair to grip at it. Pangs of bliss were wracking through her. Yellows strong hold was the only thing keeping her standing, she was sure of it.

“Oh my Stars,” She breathed. “What was _That._ ”

“A pillar.” Yellow replied, leaning back to look at her, her golden lips set in an angry pout.

“No, you darling, I barely felt that.” Blue said. Yellow glanced away, embarrassed until Blue squeezed her hand to get attention. Yellow gave it her undivided.

“What was… what you did…” Blue began and trailed off, her gaze dropping down. She relaxed her iron grip on Yellow, gingerly moving her hand from her clutch to lightly touch two fingers against her pouting lips. When she spoke again, it sounded low.

“…With your mouth.”

Her fingers slid downward and fell onto the Diamond in the centre of Yellows chest, brushing her bottom lip on the way. She watched it bounce back into place with a captivated stare, of which then lifted to Yellow, and nearly floored her.

Yellow found she was looking at an ocean, huge and filled with longing. Everything made her feel she belonged to her; Lips tingled from Blues touch, eyes grew bigger looking into Blues, body was drawn to Blues. She thinks nothing matters but this look from Blue, right here, right now. It is heating her up inside, and so she is shaky with her words.

“I-I don’t know…” Yellow said nervously. She felt such a powerful surge of love for her, something had needed to be done to show it. Never in her life would she have thought to do that otherwise. It was rather an odd thing to do now that she thought about it. Reminded her of earth.

Blue opened her mouth. She was trying to form words but suddenly felt far too shy. Her gaze flickered from and back to Yellows, biting her own lip as she did so. Yellows chest throbbed at the sight.

“Will you do it again?” Blue asked softly.

“Yes.” Yellow immediately breathed, absentmindedly cupping Blues cheek with her freed hand. “Yes of course. But we are in a hallway you know.” She strokes the hair away from Blues face, completely indulging and adoring. She knows this. She can’t help herself once she is holding her.

“An empty hallway.” Blue corrected. Her sly grin sent Yellow on a spree kissing her neck, her shoulders, her cheeks. Blue giggled and sighed and gasped, wrapping her arms around Yellows neck. The hallway echoed the sounds back to them.

“hmmmm… Yellow….”

“Stop it with those noises. You’re making me go off-colour again.” She softly scolded against Blues ear, then kissed it.

“You- ohh… mhh. You look sweet that way.”

“Blue!” Yellow exclaimed and looked at her, revealing deeply burning cheeks. She lowered her voice “Please don’t _ever_ describe me to anyone as _sweet._ ”

Blue smiled tenderly at her, running the back of her hand from Yellows neck to her cheekbone.

“I thought it was just for me.”

Yellow looked mortified to hear those words aloud. She stared at Blue, then let out a sigh, having long accepted it anyway.

“Of course it is.” She mumbled, leaning into Blues touch and closing her eyes. There really was no use saying otherwise. It would only be painful, and loving Blue was the only emotion she could never bare to repress.

“It’s okay, sweet Yellow.” Blue cooed gently, glorifying her subliminal tone of voice. “I’m here for you...”

Then something sensational happened. Not that everything else that had happened wasn’t sensational enough or less important, not in the slightest. This was just something else.

Blue leaned forward, their noses brushed, and then her lips pressed against Yellows.

_Why hadn’t I thought of that?_

Eons of existence and nothing like this. Blues lips were cool and incredibly soft, but Yellow felt a faint warmth after a few seconds. She had the strongest feeling of Blue’s presence. It was just so her, everything was so perfectly Blue Diamond in her head.

Surprisingly, the pressure was soothing too, and the urge to be closer seemed momentarily satisfied. Odd, how nice such a strange yet simple thing could be. She even found herself pressing back once the initial shock wore off, causing Blue to let out another quiet little sound in delight.

“WHAT in the stars are you two doing _now_?!” Whites voice suddenly boomed.

(She had actually strived for less of a boom but couldn’t seem to figure out the right pitch, at all. Steven had made her reconsider a lot of things recently. She just wasn’t very good at it.)

Blue and Yellow jumped in fright, pulling their lips apart with a quiet ‘pop’. Both stared up at White with stricken expressions. The giant Diamond was blinding as she crouched over them, blinking her humongous eyes, confusion all over her dazzling face.

“Errrmmmm…” Was all Yellow could think to say, clutching Blue a little bit nearer. Blue was unable to speak.

_PleasedontshatterusPleasedontshatterus._

“You’re both such strange colours!” White touched her own face, sharp nails glinting. “Have I spread _it_?”

Yellow cleared her throat, a bead of sweat developing on her forehead. White was still quite terrifying at close proximities. She understood White was trying to be more cooperative, but Yellow  still dreaded lest a certain word be uttered in accusation. They had not allowed fusion to be considered during this, still wary of it despite Steven’s insistence that it was okay, but they had yet to change their minds, and maybe they could fuse but that didn’t mean they _should._

_Right?_

“Well… you see, White… we don’t really know?” Yellow said awkwardly.

White raised an elegant brow. She was clearly unconvinced by this response (even as Blue frantically nodded in agreement and had to be told to stop it by Yellow.)

“Fine.” She said childishly, crossing her arms. “Don’t tell me. But know this… I will find out what you were doing. I mean, I will find out what you were doing in a nice, non-threatening manner."

“Just- just saying it’s non-threatening doesn’t automatically make it any less threatening.” Blue pointed out nervously, finally finding her voice. Yellow whipped her head round to look at her with wide eyes.

White simply blinked. They wished she wouldn’t do that with her eyes so close to them – it created a draft.

“Hm. Interesting.” White murmured. To the rest it was still hauntingly loud, enough to vibrate through every fibre of Homeworld. Her skin shimmered as she lifted herself, the light reflecting stunningly from the diamond on her forehead, and her cape brushed the floor, sparkling with bright points of white against its black interior. Her body framed in an endless universe.

She moved away from them, not quite knowing how to properly announce her exit with anything other than disturbing silence.

“Do you think we were rude??” Blue asked worriedly as soon as White was gone. Her thoughts rapidly overtook her and she grabbed yellow by the shoulders.

“Oh Stars, we were rude! Oooooh nooooo.” Blue cried.

“Blue,” Yellow said, cupping both of her cheeks to still her. “Blue will you just calm down a minute.”

“I can’t calm down Yellow, we’re going to die and it’s all my fault!”

Yellow shut her eyes in exasperation for moment. “What.” She opened them again. “What are you on about?”

“I… I put _my_ mouth on _yours._ ” Blue said quietly, and Yellow blushed for what felt like the hundredth time in less than an hour.

“Y-yes I remember that.” Yellow stuttered. “It was nice.”

Blue looked pleasantly surprised, her eye brows raising, _sweetly._ Yellows lips curled into a half smile and she almost forgot about Whites visit entirely whilst she admired Blue. Fondness filled her entirely.

“What if White decides it was bad?” Blue asked as she gazed at her, sounding very small and scared - like she couldn’t bear the thought just as much as Yellow couldn’t. “I know she helped us fix all those corrupted gems...but I just… she still frightens me Yellow. One day can’t undo all the damage done…”

The tears filled her doe eyes in a familiar sight and Yellow braced herself, her thumbs already wiping droplets from Blues cheeks as they fell.

“Don’t cry,” Yellow said softly, like she always would, and it was almost like any other day. Blue buried her head into Yellows shoulder, sniffling. Yellow wrapped her arms around her in an embrace.

“I won’t let anything hurt you.” She whispered, feeling Blues tears finally spill from her own eyes. The words stab at her chest as she realises them. She _had_ let _herself_ hurt her, and even though Steven had been partially to blame for her outburst, Yellow knew she was the main cause. The pain came back as she buried her nose into Blues neck.

“I know you may no longer believe me, as earlier it was I who… I… oh Blue! I’m so sorry.” Her forehead crumpled.  “I never wanted to poof you... it was torturous…”

 Yellow wondered if it mattered whose tears fell when she was sure she might cry too.

“I know, Yellow darling... It’s okay…”

Blues hands curled around her neck to stroke the nape of it, going completely still, relaxed in Yellows arms. It made Yellow feel even more fiercely protective over her.

“Yellow?” Blue murmured a few moments later.

“Yes, Blue?”

“I was coming to find you earlier... when you walked into me.”

“… so was I.”

Yellow was certain she was crying now. She twined her fingers into Blues long hair and sighed. No one would dare step through that hallway whilst they stood like this – they knew the sight well enough. For as long as they stood in this embrace, Yellow begun to feel that the gashes inside her where already beginning to heal, even as every feeling was set free, one by one.

White had forgotten to mention one thing whilst she was using them as her ghastly puppets, bleaching out their ‘flaws’, tearing them apart from one another. One thing she probably already feared.

Blue might make Yellow weak, but they are so much stronger together.

**Author's Note:**

> Ocean Eyes by Billie Ellish was a real mood for this.


End file.
